The political hysteria of the dash to Ryan judgment day is reflected in reader contributions, from poems to pleas for us to do Beazley’s policies for him. Before we begin, have any of you Ryan dwellers seen the Liberal video letterboxed to voters or the ALP’s TV advertisements? I’d love a review, and also your final words on how Ryan is coping with the attention and who will win and why.
RYAN BEARS PICNIC
By Linda Petrie
If you go down to Ryan today you’re in for a big surprise,
If you visit Polls on Sat’dy you won’t believe your eyes.
For every bear there that ever there was,
Are parting their locks in a way that says,
Picnic time is over for How-ard.
Picnic time for Labor bears,
Every la-bor teddy,
Has his day.
And this is the time if ever there was,
Ted-in-the-street will have his say because,
Picnic time’s over for Howard Gov-ment.
Don’t go down to Ryan today if you don’t want to see,
No more baskets for the big-end of town,
Don’t think ’bout what Ryan ring,
No more putting the down,
The pensioners and all the services gone,
And now all the Ted-dy’s sing!
Picnic time for all out work with frown,
Just called dole blud-gers.
So now every Teddy sing!
Won’t be long till ‘conomic rash-nalists,
And union bludgeonists,
Get the boot from the fair!
Picnic time for Teddy bears,
The little teddy bears,
Who had to walk there,
‘Cause they couldn’t afford gas for the cars,
Picnic time, la, la, la, la-la, la-la, la………
Picnic time? Who’s going to pay for it, I wonder.
SARAH CAPPER
The election site sounds grand, particularly the advertising section (MARGO: See my plea for contributions and ideas in yesterday’s webdiary). By pure coincidence, I got to experience the Queensalnd election, which was hysterical.
Rob Borbidge’s strained voice was just embarrassing – hide behind the couch material. Beattie has changed since I was home last – I couldn’t work out if he’d turned into a Jeff Kennett pretending to care more or good ol’ Sir Joh (don’t you worry about the rorts, I’ll fix it up).
Beattie had some ripper ads. He had that meadow lea ad singer (forget his name, people love him), singing “headin’ in the right direction, livin’ in the best place on earth, headin’ in the right direction, puttin’ Queensland first”, and he had the hide on another to say “I promised jobs at the last election (5% unemployment) and I’ve delivered (Queensland has the worst unemployment rate on mainland Straya).
The ad that took the cake cleverly appeared like something the Australian Electoral Commission had produced – a how to vote card with a voiceover asking about preferences until finally saying, “Nuh, I just want to vote Labor”, with a more “authoritative” voice saying just vote one for Labor and leave the rest out.
On the other side, the Nats ad was just funny. It said you may like Peter Beattie, but look at the company he keeps – then it had a succession of pics of ,I think, Jim Elder, Mike Kaiser, and finally Bill DArcy – on their faces were stamps of fraud disgraced and PAEDOPHILE. Hardcore stuff, but people bought the meadow lea.
Any chance of finding out the ads in Ryan? I just can’t imagine the ALP winning it but the polls say I’m wrong. I did like the political switcheroos for the Ryan campaign launches – the ALP has champagne a flowing at the St Lucia Golf Links club, and the Libs drink water at the Jindalee bowls club. Go figure. I can’t. But if that’s typical of the campaign, the ALP are playing up to the electorate, and could win. Strange.
I had an attempt at the sunburnt battler piss take challenge (to spoof One Nation’s theme song, A Sunburnt Battler). After re-reading what I’d wrote, I had a frightening thought – maybe it does more to the cause than the original waffle. This was by no means the intention.
Bitter Brooding Battler
A bitta broodin battla
filled with fury is this fella
too stupid to realise the wankas
are rippin orf MacKella
his sheilas workin now
coz his dairys gone to shamble
he lights another durry
cursin those bastards from Canbra
His kids unemployed
works closed on the main street
the only thing left going
is he lives in a marginal seat
the pokies steal his savins
while pollies pays get fatta
he proudly lifts his middle finga
to the pricks that won’t back Katter
He doesn’t see his mates much more
too busy fillin out the BAS
and with stubby prices risin
they’ve left the pub en masse
and its become a total shocka
fillin the ute up with fuel
the gun stealers are just lucky
coz he could really lose his cool
He likes that red head sheila
reckons she scrubs up awright
she wont sell orf Orstraya
please explain answers any fight
he’ll march into the polling booth
in which his vote is cast
he can turn Canbra inside out
puttin the sittin memba last
CATHY BANNISTER’S back!
Howard’s chances of getting any concrete policy statements out of Beazley are now zip. Beazley is going to do exactly what Keating did in 1993: he’s going to stand back, say nothing and let the Liberals go down in a mass of flames. As long as he keeps to attacking the government and vague policy directions, he’s home and hosed.
Labor is now in a brilliant position. Not only did the Liberals introduce it, meaning they’ll take the flack, the version of GST they brought in is such a total dog that it’s universally hated. If the next election sees Labor in with a clear majority, they tweak it so it works better and keep the revenue.
ROBERT LAWTON
If Beazley won’t provide us with any policy before the election date is announced, why don’t you invite the CIO (Canberra Inside Out) crowd to design their own?
After all, this is a well-informed and literate group. Frankly I’m not convinced that the insiders at Labor HQ are any wiser, indeed they may well be far off our pace.
I would like to see some ideas not regularly trotted out – like “more money for universities and hospitals” – or “say sorry” – and in areas not usually covered. Communications, say, or defence.
Who needs politicians for a campaign. Let’s start without them.
MARGO: The problem is all those budget parameters. How about a 150 word vision statement?
MERRILL PYE of Pyrmont in Sydney
Say there’s a tribe of 10 survivors running on the bead economy. One has 90 beads, one has 10. Eight have 50. Total 500, average 50 each.
Disadvantaged beadie gets more for ‘social equity’. One does well in Microsphere shares & real estate speculation. Big Boy Beado gets tax cuts & company subsidies funded by cuts in support services for all, plus profits from beadstock & options rises funded by cutting wages & conditions of average little working beaders.
Now one has 225 beads, one 110 and one 15 instead of 10. But seven now have only 25. Total 525, average 52.5.
“We’re all ahead!” cries Tribal Council “Average beadcount rises!”, they crow. Meanwhile 7 of 10 are worse off beadwise & underlying support for all is less. Poorest, despite rise, is lower compared to highest. Do you wonder which is the happier group? (MARGO: Is Ryan the middle-class revolt we’ve all been waiting for?)
CON VAITSAS
I don’t know why Don Arthur & other Herald readers waste their time reading Paddy Mcguinesses’s love child Imre Salusinszky. (For Don’s spoof of Imre, see yesterday’s webdiary). The guy has no original ideas & just repeats the mantra of the right while at the same time trying to be witty in an undergraduate manner by attacking anyone/thing that might have any relationship with what he classifies as the left, I mean “wet”. Don, just skip their columns. Their writing is as exciting & original as a train timetable.